Big Brother Audition April 10th, 2010 by b-knox

Since my split-second cameo stunt in Drew Barrymore’s Whip It, I have been on mailings lists for casting calls in the Detroit area.  For those who don’t know, the state of Michigan created huge tax breaks for film and television production a couple years ago to help stimulate one of the worst statewide economies in the country.  This, of course, has nothing to do with that. Big Brother is filmed somewhere in or around Los Angeles.

I’ve never watched the show and I don’t really intend to.  These reality shows take too much attention. I’d rather waste 22 minutes watching their non-linear, immersive ancestors: game shows.  Well, I don’t want to watch those anymore either, but NumberWang is alright. ;D

The Big Brother casting call (deadline April 23), I am sure, is overloaded with 1,000s of auditions.  This first round can be done by going to select locations across the country, each on a single day, or by snail mail.  Reqiured are a filled-out 13 page PDF questionaire and a 2 minute maximum video.  The remote locations film the video for you.

So, last Wednesday, I drive up to the Pontiac Silverdome with my thickly application.  One hour in the minivan, a giggle at the gate security, and then I drive upon a cluttered parking lot and a line of humans spilling out the side in the rain.  “Can I go pee before I get in that line?”

“What are you here for?”

“Big Brother audition.”

“This line is for America’s Next Top Model.  (indecipherable directions on how to find the lavatory here).”

Yay.  I go pee pee!! :D  Then, I check in and wait an hour to record my 2 minute maximum video.  I was given a MetroPCS shwag slap bracelet and then asked to fill out another form so I could have my picture taken.  Oh, but moments later I find out this form is for and not the Big Brothers.  Oh, bother!  So I stole my picture from their article about myself and hundreds of other hapless wannabe television contestants.

Empty stadium in the background, check.  Slap bracelet, check.  Stupid grin, check.  I was so checked out that I only spoke for about 30 seconds when I finally got my turn, saying something like this —

“…but I’m not from Detroit.  I’m from Ann Arbor and everyone calls me Langel.  I work as a bouncer in a club that fits about 400 people.  I’ve never seen your show before, I have no idea what I’m trying to get into.  But my ‘strategy’ would be something like trying to get along with everyone because we do have to live together while getting eliminated.  I don’t like people, maybe that’s why I’m a bouncer.  But drama is worse than people.”

…and I’m sure I said a little more but this was four days ago.  :)  Maybe I should have stalled and relaxed for a second which would have resulted in my making an ass of myself  in front of the camera, probably more what they are looking for.  But who knows?  Perhaps the whole point of the video is to simply see which applicants can be interesting in front of a camera and give them an excuse to actually flip through their giant application.

I wouldn’t be surprised, for the semi-finalist interviews, that they might only give two or three days notice.  That’s a quick way to weed out those who don’t have the love.  LOL!  If I am called upon, I’ll be traveling to Chicago self-paid.  The finalist interview is in Los Angeles, lasts about a week, all expenses paid.  And, if you actually get on the show, you get some kind of stipend for only the time you exist on the show, paid out once the final episode airs.

Horray for waiting!  Man, all I want is to say “I’m not here to make friends” on national television.  :(


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